I’ve been thinking about Tyler a lot lately. I’ve been thinking about when he was younger, when Twenty One Pilots was just starting out. This scrappy teen from Ohio with button up T shirts and shaky hands has started to grow on me. I’ve been thinking about his struggle as he got older, there’s something about it that’s really caught my attention. I keep dreaming about it and looking through old videos of Tyler when he was 17. I keep searching and searching for this boy who was finding his way, and probably still is. It’s scary. Tyler, with a rubber band on his wrist and dorky glasses on, just simply doesn’t exist anymore. It makes me sad. It makes me feel so lonely. I want to talk to him. I want to find 17 year old Tyler again so desperately. I want to walk down the streets of Ohio at 2 am to see him recording goner on an old accordion. I want to go down to the local Columbus baseball fields and see him scribbling down lyrics to Slowtown in a journal. I want so badly to see him and Josh in their white van parked outside a gas station while the sun rises. I want to see the basement where Tyler recorded No Phun Intended. I want the Tyler that was still looking for his purpose while standing over a kitchen sink. And what I mean by all if this is not that I don’t love him how he is now, or that I want to invade his privacy. I just want to find someone who understands. I want to find the Tyler that didn’t know if he was going to make it to 18 or 19. I want to find him simply for the fact that I feel the same way. I want to find him because maybe that would validate my feelings, maybe somehow that would fix my struggle, it would end my pain. But this isn’t true, and I know that.
Think about this.
Tyler is 29, married, and happier then he’s ever been. He’s wrote about love, hope, recovery, and yes, he still writes about pain, but not nearly as much as before. Him and Josh live comfortably and with the support of all of us. Tyler beat his Blurryface. Tyler found his purpose. Tyler has gone so so far. He’s lived through his own personal hell and back and by god, that’s so incredible. That’s what I’m searching for, it’s what we are all searching for.
17 year old Tyler can’t give me that. 17 year old Tyler can’t give YOU that. 29 year old Tyler can’t even give you that. Only you can.
Only you can find your purpose.
Keep looking, keep searching,
that’s what this life is about.
Stay Strong, Stay Safe, but most importantly, Stay Alive.